Sophie aziztar az janam:
This is day 18 of your presence among us. I have opened this blog to talk about you and the experience that I have with you. I write in English so you can possibly read them when you get old enough. I will write about my personal feelings and more intimate feelings in my own farsi blog because I can express myself better in my mother tongue and they are personal feelings any way. But this blog is about you and for you. So you can later on read and enjoy and know what has been going on with us since your birth. If you learn farsi too, you are more than welcome to read my farsi blog too and get to know your mom better.
I don't know where to start. I have lots to say. I have never imagined I will have such an intense experience in my life by having a baby.
Lets start from the very beginning. Probably you would ask yourself or us sometime in your life, why did we decide to have you. I guess it all started with me seeking out a source to give me a meaning for living, an energy to keep me going, and someone I could love and be loved by. I had reached a point in my life where nothing seemed worth living for except for the love of your dad and my parents and for love itself. That's why I decided to have you. I don't see this selfish. I see it as a natural process that has been decided by nature, that I can have a baby I could love.
So it was for love that I decided to have you. It all went like a flash, from the moment I decided to have you, untill nine months later when you were born. The experience of your birth was one of a kind. I had never imagined I would go through such a pain. I was confident that I could deliver without a problem to the last days and hours, but I never imagined what kind of pain I would go through. My contractions started at 8 pm, on Friday while we were in Walmart doing last minute shopping in preparation for your arrival. We did not know you will come five days earlier than the due date, but it was the first free time we had after a semester of studies and work at the university. It sounded like I had my nesting instinct activated just that night. I had contractions every 10 minutes, but did not guess it must be it. When at home, although it was 10 at night, I had a strange surge of energy and was moving around putting our purchases in proper place, arranging the apartment, cleaning and...Then at 1am contractions started to happen every 5 minutes. It was then that I suspected it was time. So we went to the hospital. I had dilated only one centimete, so they sent me back home. Half an hour later at home, my water broke and your dad and I was on our way to the hospital one more time. Now contractions were happening every 3 minutes. The pain was almost unbearable. I could not stand, I could not sit, I could not lie down. They told me, I would still go through 9 more hours of much worse pain before I give birth, and I just could not believe it. The pain was already unbearable and I couldn't believe this was happening to me. Some miracle happened though and in half an hour I dilated 9 centimeters and in two hours you were born. You were placed on my bosom right after birth, but I was so frightened I could not look at you. I could not simply believe that a living creature had just come out of me. It was such a powerful and unique experience that it just scared me. So much as I was yearning to see you and hold you when you were in my belly, I was hesitant to see you and I will not forget this forever. I think part of the reason was the surprising nature of delivery and the uniqueness of the experience that caught me off guard.
